It's OK That You're Not OK - Megan Devine

Grief is a beast. I've been dealing with a sudden loss for over six months, and it's been a struggle. I was recommended this author's website, and I decided to order the book.

Being a Christian is the worst at times. When loss occurs, it is mostly frowned upon to be upset for an extended period of time. You're supposed to be grateful for where your loved one is. Thank God for little things every day. The implication is that I'm doing it wrong even if it isn't said aloud.

This book gave a perspective that paralleled my own. It echoed a lot of the things I've been saying for the past half year. I've mentioned to my husband I don't feel heard. Other people don't just listen. They advise, encourage and tell their stories at a time when I'm screaming to be heard. They mean well, for sure, but it just doesn't land.

I was able to read this book at a time when it meant a lot to me. It's only been recently I've identified the need to be heard. Now I understand it isn't just me. This is a common reaction to what I'm going through.

I do feel there are times when broad brushstrokes are used when it isn't necessarily warranted. The approach to religion in this book is a bit harsh. It isn't necessarily wrong, but as a Christian, I let people vent. I'll tell people it's okay to call a situation garbage when they're in the valley. It's not a popular approach in the religious community, but I want to point out not every Christian is a judgmental person that doesn't listen. I also won't argue I might be a bit rare in that respect.

The way the author addressed the ways grief affects the body was also very interesting. One of the things that has been hard for me has been focusing on writing. I've had a project going for more than two years now, and I haven't been able to do anything with it. I can only write coherently when I write about my grief, and that's just where I'm at now. I've learned that's ok. 

The book isn't just for those in the midst of grief. It also has advice for those who want to support a friend or family member who is grieving. Even if you're reading this as a person grieving, it gives you a place to download the advice if you're having trouble communicating with your support team.

I don't think the book will help everyone. The pain you go through after a loved one dies is as unique as the love you have for them. While this book helped me, I'm not sure I would be bold enough to recommend it. The reader would need to be open to having their pain reflected back at them as they read, and facing that can be extremely trying and difficult. For me, it was what I needed to read when I needed it. What I will say is that it's the best thing I've read since the loss occurred.